Writing an obituary for a loved one is a meaningful way to honor their life by highlighting their accomplishments and the legacy they've left behind. It also serves as an announcement of funeral or memorial service details.
However, it is important to safeguard family privacy when sharing this information. This guide outlines key details you should avoid including in an obituary.
Key Takeaways
Avoid including personal identifying information like date of birth and address, as this can put family members at risk of exploitation.
Do not share details about financial status, assets, or estates, as this information could be exploited for identity theft and other malicious activities.
If the deceased’s death was particularly sensitive, such as due to a drug overdose or suicide, avoid including this in the obituary.
What Not to Include in an Obituary
Elreacy Dock, a certified grief educator and adjunct professor at Capstone University in Washington state explains:
“Including sensitive information in an obituary can expose surviving family members to serious risks, such as identity theft or fraud. Being selective about what is shared in an obituary protects the family and the estate.
"The strategies and technology that criminals use to scam others successfully are becoming increasingly sophisticated, which often means that access to even a few details can leave individuals vulnerable to attack if unprepared.”
Dock notes: “Unfortunately, an obituary can be a viable source of valuable information for criminals seeking to develop fake profiles or even blackmail other people.”
Personal Identifying Information
When writing the obituary, don’t include personal information that compromises the safety of the deceased’s family. For example, instead of writing the exact date the deceased was born, broaden this by mentioning the month or even just the year. Also avoid including their mother’s maiden name, Social Security details, or addresses.
Any sensitive information that could be exploited for identity theft and fraud should be avoided entirely. Thieves can use the deceased's personal information to obtain their Social Security number. With this information, they can potentially open new accounts, file tax returns to collect the refund, and take out loans under the deceased’s name.
For example, instead of writing “John Smith was born on April 7, 1960, in Boulder, Colorado, to Joan and Mark Smith," you could write: “John Smith was born in April 1960 in Boulder, Colorado, to Joan and Mark Smith.”
Safeguard your and your family’s sensitive personal information in a secure digital vault with Trustworthy. With Trustworthy’s Family Operating System®, you can store all personal information, like death certificates or documents with your Social Security number, in a secure online location.
Exact Residential Address
Sharing the deceased’s exact home address puts the privacy and safety of their family at risk.
Dock cautions: “Residential addresses and details about vacant homes can increase the risk of burglary, squatting, or identity theft. Many scammers take advantage of opportunities for estate identity theft (sometimes also called ghosting), which occurs when they use a deceased person's information for their own profit.”
A recent example of this is a 50-year-old Wichita, Kansas, man who was sentenced to prison after being caught using online obituaries to plan residential burglaries. While funerals were taking place, he broke into families' homes. He was charged with 27 counts.
Don’t make your family members potential victims. Instead of including the exact home address of the deceased in the obituary, be broad and mention that they were a member of a certain community. It can be as simple as: “John Smith was a lifelong resident of Boulder.”
The Specific Time of the Memorial Service or Funeral
In addition to an exact home address posing a risk, details sharing when family members will be away from their homes to attend the memorial or funeral service makes them susceptible.
Avoid using phrases that imply that the family will be at a specific location on a certain date and time. Again, keep things broad by mentioning that there will be a private service for family members.
An example to use: “A private memorial/funeral service will be held at Boulder Church on Saturday.”
Names of Young or Vulnerable Family Members
While acknowledging the surviving family members is part of writing an obituary, you should avoid including the names of young or particularly vulnerable family members. Listing their full names puts them at risk for harassment or exploitation.
A good workaround for this is using a general approach and leaving the names of some surviving members out of the obituary.
Instead of writing “John Smith is survived by his wife, Anna; sons, David and Adam; and daughter, Jane," you could say: “John Doe is survived by his wife, Anna, and his three children.”
Financial or Asset Information
Avoid mentioning the deceased’s financial status, any assets left behind, and what inheritance they left for their family. Remember, an obituary is not an advertisement for wealth.
Dock explains: “Information about finances or assets can increase the likelihood of exploitation, especially if beneficiaries are named or specific details about distributions are provided. Additionally, although older adults are frequently targeted, anyone can be susceptible to these scams.”
Take extra precautions to keep the deceased’s financial information safe after their passing, since this is a time when opportunistic thieves may come looking. Keep their important documents safe with Trustworthy. Trustworthy uses advanced security features like 256-bit AES encryption, two-factor authentication, facial recognition, and fingerprint authentication to protect sensitive information. The collaboration features allow you to safely share this information only with people you trust.
Circumstances of Death (if Sensitive)
If the death was sensitive, respect the family's privacy. Avoid mentioning details like drug overdoses, suicide, or crimes under investigation to protect the deceased’s dignity and avoid compromising legal matters.
Instead, use a common phrase like: “John Smith passed away unexpectedly last week." Whatever phrase you choose to use, keep it respectful and broad.
How to Avoid Common Mistakes in an Obituary
Sitting down to write an obituary can be daunting, especially on top of grieving for a loved one. Balancing honoring the deceased’s legacy while protecting the family's privacy is a fine line. Still, there are some practical steps you can take to avoid making some common mistakes.
Avoid Rushing
It’s important to stay organized and prepared. There’s no need to rush through this process, as nothing requires you to publish the obituary immediately.
Generally, obituaries are posted one to two weeks after the passing of a loved one, but you can take longer if you need to.
Gather key details such as personal information, life events, and achievements. Sit with family members to get their input on what to include in the obituary.
Don’t Make It About You
When writing an obituary, focus on the deceased, not yourself. It's fine to share a personal story or memory, but ensure it highlights their life, achievements, and legacy.
To avoid making it too personal, have family or friends review it before publishing. Trustworthy’s collaboration features make it easy to share and gather feedback securely.
Don’t Focus Solely on the Death
When writing an obituary, don't just list dates, places, and details about the death. Instead, focus on what made the deceased’s life special.
Include their passions, values, unique qualities, and their impact on others. Gather anecdotes and memories from family and friends to celebrate their life fully.
Omit Unnecessary Details
Focus on key details that highlight the deceased's character and achievements without providing a full timeline of their life.
Share a few meaningful memories or stories. Most obituaries are about 200 words, keeping them concise and engaging.
Avoid Poor Organization and Structure
A jumbled obituary is difficult to read and takes away from the personalization.
Begin with key personal information and list achievements chronologically, from childhood to later milestones. Keep paragraphs short, with each focusing on a specific aspect of their life.
Be Sure to Proofread
Proofreading is essential to ensure your obituary is free from spelling or grammar errors that might distract readers. Use tools like Grammarly or ask family members to review it for mistakes.
If you're unsure how to balance honoring your loved one while keeping their information safe, consider consulting a professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I include humorous or lighthearted anecdotes?
Yes, there is nothing wrong with adding some light humor or touching anecdotes as long as they are respectful.
What if the family disagrees about what to include in the obituary?
During this emotional time, focus on aspects everyone agrees on if disagreements arise. A neutral third party, like a funeral director, can help mediate.
Is it appropriate to write my own obituary in advance?
Yes. Writing your obituary in advance is a great way to ensure all your wishes are reflected and removes the responsibility from grieving family members.
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