Losing a loved one is never easy, but a little preparation can help ease both the emotional and logistical challenges.
Kim Burnett, a death doula and founder of Good Death Matters, has guided many families through this difficult transition. In this article, she shares her insights on how to prepare for the end of life with more clarity and peace.
The Role of a Death Doula
Many people are familiar with birth doulas, but fewer are aware of the role of a death doula.
Death doulas, Burnett explains, provide “practical, spiritual, and non-medical support to individuals and their families that are going through loss."
Burnett’s work begins well before a loved one’s passing and continues through the final moments and beyond. She helps individuals get their affairs in order, provides support during their final days, and assists families with post-death logistics and grief support.
Unlike estate attorneys, financial advisors, and hospice workers — who may only be involved at specific points — a death doula stays with a family throughout the entire journey, and “understands your family situation and the process that you're going through.”
5 Key Steps for Families
1. Be Intentional and Present
“Often why someone like myself is brought in because death is hard enough, and the last thing you want to deal with is paperwork,” Burnett says. A death doula can help families avoid overwhelming to-do lists and focus on spending time with their dying loved one.Burnett urges family members to spend quality time with their loved one, beyond just going from treatment to treatment.
“This is precious time,” Burnett says. “And it's a good time to try to take time off from work if you can, so you could be there … because this is time you're never going to get back.
2. Know Your Loved One’s Wishes for Their Final Days
Burnett encourages families to ask their dying loved one what environment they want in their last days, down to specifics like the lighting and the room temperature. “That's everything from, who do they want to have around or not have around?” she says.
One of Burnett’s recent clients “wanted to be in the family room with everybody around, talking, eating, making noise, being their crazy selves,” she says. “I've had others who were like, I want the most Zen environment I can get.”
This is also the time to talk about what should happen to their body after they die. “Some people don't care about this,” Burnett says, “but for some, there are religious or cultural norms that they want to have followed.”
3. Know How Your Loved One Wants to Be Remembered
Burnett highlights the importance of capturing final wishes.
Sometimes the dying don’t care about how they will be memorialized, but Burnett explains that preparation will relieve the emotional burden on survivors, whether it’s writing an obituary in advance, specifying details for a celebration of life, or something else.
She tells the dying, “This is actually one of the last great gifts you can give to your loved ones.”
4. Organize Estate and Financial Information
Burnett encourages families to use a centralized digital platform to store wills, medical directives, power of attorney documents, key financial contacts, and login credentials. “These can be easily uploaded into Trustworthy,” she says.
Having all critical information in one secure, accessible location can ease the burden on surviving family members.
5. 'Give Yourself Grace’
Burnett reminds families that the dying process is emotionally challenging, and that emotions may be complicated in the final days.
“Your mom is still your mom, and your dad is still your dad. And even if they're passing, they are going to drive you crazy at times,” Burnett says. “And that's OK, because that's part of the relationship.”
She adds: “It’s just important to know that you don't become a saint and neither do they (the dying loved one). Just know that that's the case, and don't feel terrible about it. That's just how it is, right? Remind yourself to give yourself grace, and give yourself a break.”
Preparing for the End With Secure Organization
Organizing important documents is essential in end-of-life preparation. Having a clear system in place allows families to access necessary records without the stress of searching through scattered paperwork.
Trustworthy’s Family Operating System® provides a secure location to store estate documents, insurance policies, medical directives, and more, ensuring that everything is easily retrievable when needed. With its automated reminders, Trustworthy helps families keep critical documents up to date, ensuring nothing important gets overlooked. The platform also allows users to share important information securely with loved ones.
Burnett emphasizes that preparation should include updating beneficiaries, recording key contact information, and ensuring financial and legal documents are in order. One common oversight she warns about is outdated beneficiary designations.
Checking and updating these details can prevent unintended consequences. Trustworthy makes this process easier by allowing users to organize and review all beneficiary designations and financial records in one place.
Download our checklist: Steps to Take When Someone Dies
Leveraging AI for Eulogy and Obituary Writing
One of the most challenging tasks for grieving families is writing an obituary or a eulogy. Trustworthy offers a free AI-powered eulogy writer that makes it simple to craft a heartfelt tribute in 5-10 minutes.
The tool guides users through the process, ensuring that key details are included while allowing for personalization. By using AI to draft these important documents, families can focus on honoring their loved ones without the added pressure of starting from scratch. Trustworthy’s eulogy tool can help create an obituary as well.
Having Difficult Conversations
Starting the conversation about death is often the hardest part. Burnett advises families to begin with their own planning as an entry point, such as telling elderly parents:
“‘I was meeting with my estate attorney, and I have decided these are the things I want to do. Have you thought about that?’ Or, ‘I was looking into what I wanted to do with my body when I died, and I think I'm going to do a water cremation. Have you guys thought about what you want to do?’
“And so it gives a way to have the conversation that starts from your place rather than them feeling like you are in some ways hastening their death by just talking about this.”
The Gift of Preparation
One of the greatest gifts a person can leave their family is a well-prepared plan. By organizing key documents, making final wishes clear, and discussing important decisions in advance, they can ease the burden on loved ones during an already difficult time.
With thoughtful preparation, families can focus on grieving and supporting one another instead of scrambling to manage logistics. Taking these steps ahead of time offers peace of mind — not just for the dying, but for those they are leaving behind.
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